We cannot defeat racism if we continue to allow cultural biases govern who we love or who we let our children marry. In an attempt to escape the quarantine daze, I started watching Netflix’s new reality series, Indian Matchmaking , about the often-misunderstood world of arranged marriage. At first, I really enjoyed watching and somethings search for love and marriage in this traditional manner. My friends and I laughed at snobby Aparna, cringed at the scenes with “mama’s boy” Akshay, and cried when sweet Nadia’s second suitor turned out to be an unapologetic “bro”. By the end of the eight-episode series, however, I felt nauseous. Unlike some of my white friends who watched on carefree, I was disturbed by the obvious displays of classism, ethnocentrism, and colourism in the show. Throughout the show, I could not help but notice how these ” isms” guided the matchmaker as she tried to find “suitable” potential spouses for her clients. In addition to searching for those with distinguished careers, and a slim body type, she was always on the hunt for “fair” spouses.
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Or maybe the pieces have actually alhumdulillah come together, and you feel ready to get married. What are your options? You scour the web pages of your local masjid for upcoming events. And then there are dating apps. Hadeel will be like an interjecting ghost throughout this article. She just wants somewhere to vent. I was raised thinking that I would graduate college at 22, begin working, and get married soon after.
There are outliers of course, exceptions to the rule, but for many women, it might take a little more time. The months, or years after, however, can be difficult on our self-image, making us wonder if there was something we had done wrong for not having the fairytale at twenty-three, fueled by the comments made to us by other women we know. There are comparisons made between us, unsolicited advice offered, suggestions to reconsider men you had turned down for legitimate reasons.
You see, my mother is our local rishtay wali auntie; she is the person people turn to when trying to get their children hitched. Her email is cluttered with folders full of information on eligible men and women provided by their concerned parents. Their voices are always rushed, worn down with worry because their child is on the brink of, or has already aged out of the post-grad timeline I had mentioned earlier.
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Dating is often prohibited in Muslim families. to their parents who may have grown up in villages and towns in South Asia, for instance.
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Jump to navigation. For many modern single Muslims the answer lies online, with dating sites like EliteSingles. The appeal of online dating for marriage-minded singles is obvious: it enables people to be completely upfront about their romantic needs and goals while putting them in touch with others who feel the same. For many Muslim singles, this is the ideal way to meet someone who knows what it means to have respect for important factors such as faith, cultural background and family.
Between work, friends, family and faith, there’s little time left for finding love!
The culture around marriage within South Asian Muslim communities can often breed toxicity—something I’ve had the unique opportunity to.
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Arzo Kazmi has been looking for a husband for some time. But eight years of matchmakers, mutual friends, and dating websites have been futile in finding that special someone. For the past four weeks, she has been using Muzmatch, a smartphone app for Muslims to meet potential marriage partners. But unlike well-established dating apps, such as Tinder and Hinge, Muzmatch specifically caters to Muslims searching for a spouse — giving young Muslims greater influence in finding the right mate.
Dating is often prohibited in Muslim families. She has been looking for a husband for about a year, on and off.